Yes, Reader. I (more or less) scaled this very large hill in Minnesota today. I was able to utilize my rugged abilities and hike on unpaved mountainous non-trails around a bluff (small mountain / large hill). Here are only a few of the misconceptions I had about hiking:

Pre-Hiking Misconception #1: “Hiking is going to be leisure strolling on a paved road with manicured trees on either side.”
Truth: Hiking is intentionally getting lost in the wilderness and then having to find the way back to your car.

Pre-Hiking Misconception #2: “People only walk on flat land.”
Truth: False. This experience was the exact opposite of walking on flat land. I have biffed it down a flight of carpeted stairs at my apartment. I am grateful to have made it out of this hiking trip alive (and, might I add, with no injuries.) In case you were wondering, there are very, very large hills in MN.

Pre-Hiking Misconception #3: “I am hardcore.”
Truth: I am hardcore. But only more so now. Yeah, that’s right. What now.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. Just in case you were wondering, after our rugged hiking experience, Ashley and I found an apple orchard and bought farm-fresh apples, apple cider, caramel apples, and pumpkins. Yeah, that’s right. I’m going to take a knife to a 14lb pumpkin tomorrow. Stay tuned.

“Hey, I had a really good time tonight, can I get your number?”

“Just Google me.”

Reader, I truly hope that I can use this line that I stole from a book* in the near future. Except, there is just one minor (or extremely massive) problem:

I AM NO LONGER FIRST FIND WHEN YOU GOOGLE, “RACHEL LEONG.”

Who on earth is “Rachel Leong Jia Xuan”? And her public Facebook page beat out www.rachelleong.com? I have seriously weak sauce.

Reader, I will try to strengthen my sauce by updating on a more semi-regular basis.

LOVE,

Rachel

* From The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine

Hi Reader,

I had a list of smart-ass comments about my Kickboxing class today, but decided against it. This is the Cliff-Notes version of what happened:

I went to Kickboxing class.
I was sandwiched by high school girls. And their moms.
I found out that High School girls love me.
I listened to how similar Kickboxing is to Gym class.
I heard about locker gossip.
And then I did 30 push-ups.

For the first time since living in Rochester, I legitimately felt old.

I am going to be very sore tomorrow.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. TGIANIHS. Try to figure that one out, Reader. I am so clever.

This is a Q&A session where naive Pre-Minnesota Rachel asks experienced Current Rachel questions about things Current Rachel has learned from her life in Minnesota thus far.

Pre-Minnesota Rachel: “Gosh, I wish I could find more hunting equipment than I could ever imagine. Is there such a place?”
A: Yes. However, while Gander Mountain is the Walmart of hunting goods, Fleet Farm is the Costco of manliness. I would know because I have become so rugged.

Pre-Minnesota Rachel: “I have met many people who are getting married. Why are you not yet engaged?”
A: Well, Pre-Minnesota Rachel, apparently marriage-ability and your ability to cook are directly correlated. Can you cook? Exactly. That is probably why.

Pre-Minnesota Rachel: “What is a ‘Dauber?’”
A: A Dauber is a massive marker-like utensil for dotting numbers at a Bingo Hall. Could also be used for writing on large pieces of paper.

Pre-Minnesota Rachel: “How big is a cow?”
A: Though it varies, cows are approximately the size of a small truck, or a large sedan.

Pre-Minnesota Rachel: “Does Camo Duct-tape exist?”
A: Yes. It is intensely useful. Naive Pre-Minnesota Rachel, you will win a roll of Camo Duct-Tape from a co-worker in the future.

Pre-Minnesota Rachel: “I wish the seats of my boat would blend in with the forest. Where can I purchase a camo boat-seat cover?”
A: Too easy. Fleet Farm.

Pre-Minnesota Rachel: “What is a State Fair?”
A: A state fair is a fair that has a bunch of food and things in it. A bajillion people, including, but not limited to, The Backstreet Boys, attend.

Pre-Minnesota Rachel: “What is a Comedy Club?”
A: A very politically incorrect place.

Pre-Minnesota Rachel: “What happens when you get your oil changed?”
A: You bring your car to the Toyota Dealership (or other place that changes oil) and they give you a buzzer that flashes when your car is ready.

Pre-Minnesota Rachel: “I’ve been looking for a Palace made out of corn. Does such a thing exist?”
A: Yes. It is located in South Dakota.

Pre-Minnesota Rachel: Wow, I would have never imagined to have learned all of this useful information just by living in Minnesota. Gosh, you are so knowledgeable now.”

Yes. Yes, I know. Someday, Pre-Minnesota Rachel, you will be just as smart as me. No, seriously. You will be.

Anyhow, thanks for getting so far into this blog, Reader. You are such a trooper!

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. Reader, I have to bring in Breakfast for my dept on Thursday– what should I bring!? Help, please!

Hi Reader!

Here are my current thoughts:

I am going to miss this experience when it is over. I am going to miss Ashley (my roommate), playing Bingo, living < 1 Mile from IBM and Target, and will even miss going to work. I will also miss my cute APT, being recognized at the Toyota Dealership, and not having to do homework.

I am going to miss this, F’sho. Good thing I still have another 3+ months to go. Barely halfway done…

Anyhow, I am going to start volunteering tomorrow at an “Assisted Living Facility” visiting and doing crafts with an elderly lady. I am extremely nervous, and terribly worried that it is going to be horrible. Any advice? If so, please comment before 10am today :). Thanks.

When I think of a good story, Reader, you will be the first to know. Sorry for this weak entry– I just felt like I needed to update :).

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. I have the freshest Camo Hat. Seriously, I feel like a Rockstar.

“What?” I thought to myself while strolling through Fleet Farm. I leaned in closer to the television and listened, “Do you have ugly Bear Spots on your lawn? Cover them up with….”

“WHAT? Bear Spots on my lawn?? As in, bear footprints?” I thought. As I giggled to myself, I considered a massive bear stomping through my lawn in Suburbia, giggle giggle.

“Kyle!” I called, “You won’t believe what I just heard on television!”

“What did you hear,” Kyle asked in his usual unenthusiastic tone.

“Well! I just heard them say, ‘Do you have ugly Bear spots on your lawn?’– like Bears?! Is that actually a problem around here? People have bears walking around on their lawns!? Nuh uh!”

Silence.

“Are you serious?” Kyle asked, mildly amused. “Bear Spots? Really, Rachel?”

“…What? That’s what they said.”

“Bear? I think they meant BARE, as in B-A-R-E. Wow, Rachel.”

“…Oh…”

And then the Stupid Police came and arrested me.

The End.

*******************************************

–Author’s Side Note:

Having visited Fleet Farm twice now, it is the Manliest Store on Earth. No competition. Assuming that majority of the countless Rachelleong.com readers have not yet visited Fleet Farm, it is like a hybrid of Home Depot, Gander Mountain (hunting superstore), and Dicks. They offer an array of Camo items, including, but not limited to, Camo Duck Tape, Camo boat seat covers, Camo lingerie and countless of other products intensely useful in Camo.

*******************************************

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. My nail broke today.

Saturday Night.

While sitting by the window in a Bubble Tea shop in Canada, some guy slapped his bare butt on the window right next to me.

Nasty black butt hairs pressed against the glass and all.

I am scarred for life.

Thanks.

LOVE,

Rachel

This morning, I waved to my parking-spot neighbor who was getting into his car to drop his kids off at school, when all of the sudden his 4 year old daughter popped out of nowhere and started intensely waving at me!

I felt so popular and awesome.

And I fell down the stairs yesterday at my APT.

I couldn’t stop laughing then either.

LOVE,

Rachel

Then I biked back home for lunch, then drove back to work.

Never riding my bike to work again. Plus, by the time I got to work I looked really good– and of course, the first person I see at work: My manager.

Perhaps I will revisit this bike-riding idea once I train intensively. Doubtful, but we’ll see.

**Other things happening in my life in Minnesota**

-I emailed my first “Client” today at work. I felt really cool.

-I feel like I’ve aged twenty years in two weeks, I live the lives of middle-aged people with kids my age.

-I bought an IBM lanyard for a ridiculous $4 to keep my highly un-flattering IBM badge safe.

-10:00 = My bedtime. Weak sauce, I know.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. Sorry, Reader, I’m sorry that this blog was not as angry as I had promised (not to mention that it sucks, sorry), but I’ve lax-ed up since noon. Perhaps something epic will happen tomorrow.

Misery loves company, and Awkwardness loves me.

That is enough said.

LOVE,

Rachel