“What?” I thought to myself while strolling through Fleet Farm. I leaned in closer to the television and listened, “Do you have ugly Bear Spots on your lawn? Cover them up with….”

“WHAT? Bear Spots on my lawn?? As in, bear footprints?” I thought. As I giggled to myself, I considered a massive bear stomping through my lawn in Suburbia, giggle giggle.

“Kyle!” I called, “You won’t believe what I just heard on television!”

“What did you hear,” Kyle asked in his usual unenthusiastic tone.

“Well! I just heard them say, ‘Do you have ugly Bear spots on your lawn?’– like Bears?! Is that actually a problem around here? People have bears walking around on their lawns!? Nuh uh!”

Silence.

“Are you serious?” Kyle asked, mildly amused. “Bear Spots? Really, Rachel?”

“…What? That’s what they said.”

“Bear? I think they meant BARE, as in B-A-R-E. Wow, Rachel.”

“…Oh…”

And then the Stupid Police came and arrested me.

The End.

*******************************************

–Author’s Side Note:

Having visited Fleet Farm twice now, it is the Manliest Store on Earth. No competition. Assuming that majority of the countless Rachelleong.com readers have not yet visited Fleet Farm, it is like a hybrid of Home Depot, Gander Mountain (hunting superstore), and Dicks. They offer an array of Camo items, including, but not limited to, Camo Duck Tape, Camo boat seat covers, Camo lingerie and countless of other products intensely useful in Camo.

*******************************************

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. My nail broke today.

Saturday Night.

While sitting by the window in a Bubble Tea shop in Canada, some guy slapped his bare butt on the window right next to me.

Nasty black butt hairs pressed against the glass and all.

I am scarred for life.

Thanks.

LOVE,

Rachel

This morning, I waved to my parking-spot neighbor who was getting into his car to drop his kids off at school, when all of the sudden his 4 year old daughter popped out of nowhere and started intensely waving at me!

I felt so popular and awesome.

And I fell down the stairs yesterday at my APT.

I couldn’t stop laughing then either.

LOVE,

Rachel

Then I biked back home for lunch, then drove back to work.

Never riding my bike to work again. Plus, by the time I got to work I looked really good– and of course, the first person I see at work: My manager.

Perhaps I will revisit this bike-riding idea once I train intensively. Doubtful, but we’ll see.

**Other things happening in my life in Minnesota**

-I emailed my first “Client” today at work. I felt really cool.

-I feel like I’ve aged twenty years in two weeks, I live the lives of middle-aged people with kids my age.

-I bought an IBM lanyard for a ridiculous $4 to keep my highly un-flattering IBM badge safe.

-10:00 = My bedtime. Weak sauce, I know.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. Sorry, Reader, I’m sorry that this blog was not as angry as I had promised (not to mention that it sucks, sorry), but I’ve lax-ed up since noon. Perhaps something epic will happen tomorrow.

Misery loves company, and Awkwardness loves me.

That is enough said.

LOVE,

Rachel

At lunch with other IBM interns:

Intern 1: So, how old is everyone?
Intern 2: 22
Intern 3: 23
Intern 4: 22
Intern 5: 26
Intern 1: So, every one here is at least 21, right? So we can all go to the bars sometime?
Me: :Drops head in shame: No. I’m 20.

I’ve been imagining this nightmare for a long time now, and — oh look– it just happened. I was really hoping that there would be other not-21-yet interns, but there is no such luck. I guess I just have to accept that I am going to be the Least-Cool-Kid at IBM for the next eight months.

Sigh. I am So. Un. Cool.

Not only am I the lone too-young-to-get-into-bars, but of course, my department was the first to move out of the Finance building, into an empty building full of sweet cubicles. So, while all the other interns get to play ping-pong and air-hockey together in the Finance building, I am banished to my rockstar-cubicle with a sliding door. That is, until next week, when the other departments follow suit.

To further my un-coolness, I need to abide by my Same-as-a-Kindergarten-er-bedtime.

Reader, after reading all about my lack-of-Cool-Factor, I’m surprised you were able to get this far into the blog.

Thanks!

LOVE,

Under-aged Rachel

P.S. I made high-level (but non-alcoholic) cookies tonight. Be impressed.

…I wouldn’t be either if I didn’t have to be. Lately, I’ve been having these nightmare-ish dreams. Last night I went to bed right around 9:00-10:00pm (I know, right?), and I woke up at 1:00am from a lame nightmare. It was really odd.

THEN, I went back to sleep at 2:00ish– and woke up again at 6:30 cause I thought I was late for work, AGAIN.

The same thing happened yesterday morning too. Is this a standard problem? Or is it just me? Apparently I can’t get an entire night of sleep, and apparently I am plagued with fear that I am going to be late for work.

Starbucks, then work.

Wish me luck!

LOVE,

Rachel

READER,

I’m really nervous for my first day of work. I can’t decide on a somewhat decent outfit, and I can’t decide which shoes to wear. Do I want to go with comfortable patent loafers? Or cuter heels? I realize that my issues are pressing and very important, so please try to keep up, Reader.

Being a girl can be SO difficult.

I’ll keep you posted, EEK.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. Sorry about the weak topic of today’s post. I apologize. Maybe I’ll have better things to write about tomorrow. :)?

I’ve been feeling so bummed these past few days for various reasons.

One thing at a time.

LOVE,

Rachel

Please tell me why Miley Cyrus’s canceled Florida appearance made it to CNN.com.

Really? Nothing is more important than a 15 year-old pop star who is missing out on a red carpet event? Good thing I care a lot about this issue, and please, write about something less interesting.

Perhaps I’m wrong here, but anyone who would be even remotely interested in that pointless tidbit probably isn’t reading CNN anyways.

CNN, I am disappointed. Please up your game.

LOVE,

Rachel