It’s been a really long time. I know your lives have been really lacking from these past few months of no-blogging, but all is pretty much the same in my life:

ULTIMATE FAIL.

Today was the first day of my last semester in Undergrad (YAY). However, despite the joyous news of my last semester, I have been stuck driving the Strugglebus (also known as, The Bus of Struggles), yet again, as of late.

Here are some examples of my (extreme) struggles:

-Today, I wandered through every scary nook and creepy cranny searching for my 8am class, only to find it, then wait for 50 minutes for my teacher not to show up.

-Also, I am blessed with ANOTHER 4:30pm Friday Final this semester. WHAT THE JECK (Spanish for “Heck”.)

-The crystals on the butt of my jeans kept falling off today. This was devastating.

-Also, I am looking for a job, still. Sigh.

-Lastly, my plants (seeds) are not growing. I do not understand why.

I understand that these problems are huge. It is probably difficult to wrap your head around them, Dear Reader, but they are very real. Hope all is going well in your lives, and I will try to write again before 2011.

Love,

Rachel

P.S. In light of some real struggles going on, here’s the Red Cross Haiti Relief Donation page. Please help.

Now that you’ve finally graduated and are clearly wildly successful in your work life, maybe you are reminiscing about school and wishing you could be back in college.

THIS IS FALSE.

I, Current Rachel, just want to take this opportunity to remind you how difficult college was and how little you should miss it.

–Remember when you had three midterms in one day? And a Case Study + Presentation that same week?

–Do you remember how sleep deprived you were?

– Do you remember when you didn’t have a job, and you had to bend over backwards for only an interview?

–Remember when you sat through all those *interesting* mandatory classes you cared so much about? No? OH I wonder why…

I, Current Rachel, have a million more reasons for you not to miss this, but am currently in the process of cramming for midterms, so I hope this extinguishes your unwarranted nostalgia.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. Current Rachel is so tired today.

This is going to be real quick.

Today, like most days, I was listening to some intimidating rap on my drive to class. As I was rapping along, (possibly inserting occasional gang signs when applicable) it occurred to me that I will likely not become a professional rapper.

Not only is my voice too high / not-threatening, I also have difficulty pronouncing English words in any not-White way. But, possibly the most influential factor in this recent revelation is how monotone rappers speak, and how not-monotone I speak. During my otherwise perfectly-synced raps, the things I say are of extremely varying tones, (similar to the way I speak in real life), and not at all like the gangsters in the song.

Not that I was holding out for a career in gangster rap, but, I think I just know for sure now. I think I may also need to retire from my part-time car-rapping career soon, although that is still TBD.

That’s all. I have to go maintain my weaksauce.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. If I ever mention enrolling in summer school in the future, Reader, I invite you to beat me with a small-medium stick.

I am allotting exactly 30 minutes for this blog. And although I promised to write about the eccentric people in my Chemistry class, this blog will mostly be about how weak my sauce is + the things I think about. Here is a series of lists that have been running through my mind this month:

Things I Like This Month:

- Target
- Chipotle
- Sweet Tea
- Kids < 5 and >17
- This bedspread at Target (I like trees on my bed.)
- Gangster rap that makes me feel dangerous
- Tobi Steamer (Steams your clothes.)
- My LSAT Class
- Knitting

Things I Wish for the Immediate Future:

- I wasn’t so F-ed in Life ATM.
- To go watch Harry Potter

**GREAT THINGS ABOUT FUNNY PEOPLE IN MY CHEMISTRY CLASS**

Lady-Who-Wears-Velvet-Pants-And-Eats-Out-Of-Her-Pocket

- Seems like a disheveled bird-lady who makes a permanent duck-face
- Drives a new BMW X5
- Is in Introductory Chemistry at Community College, but already has a PHD and owns some sort of Mystery Clinic in the area
- Is quite heavy and wears short dresses that expose her entire, very large, veiny, lumpy bare thighs

Big-Black-Girl-Who-Wears-Blood-Stoppingly-Tight-Clothes-Daily:

- Wears short sleeve shirts that double as a tourniquet
- Wears white lace panties under her too thin / too tight capris
- Attends class < Not attending class (not sure how she is passing)
- Sports 2.5" glittery / intricately detailed claws
- Sports comparably long toenails

Uppity-Theater-Girl-Who-Sits-In-front-of-Me:

- Annoying.

Goth-Girl:

- Seems nice, but just seeing Goth attire in college is unusual

Frosted-Tips-Guy:

- Smarter than initially expected
- Chatty (like me)

That’s all I have for now. I struggle a lot lately.

Reader, please tell me a story. Kay, thanks!

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. When summer school is over, I have real big plans to celebrate with sidewalk chalk.

So, without updating you on every minute detail, Reader, my life has gone from Bumbling in Iowa —> B-bopping all day at a community college (=COD). I am doing summer school.

There are the most interesting people that attend summer school at community colleges. Seriously, I was worried that it was going to be lame– and it is. However! The people in my class keep my life reasonably spicy. The following few blogs will each be dedicated to someone in my class that I am perplexed by. Here is the first.

Girl-Who-Dresses-For-Clubbing

The name eliminates the need for explanation, although, I suppose I can elaborate a little. Here are my observations:

- Her outfits are never composed of more fabric than an apron
- She wears 4″ pumps to class everyday
- She asks the most obtuse questions all the time with the megaphone that is her voice. When did people stop being embarrassed to ask stupid questions?
- Real quote: “I don’t actually eat food. I just take fish oil pills, vitamins, and drink juice.”
- She also kind of resembles a transvestite, although she is apparently a single mother. So… that was just a mean subjective observation.

That’s all I’ve got for today. Up next: Lady-Who-Wears-Velvet-Pants-And-Eats-Out-Of-Her-Pocket.

As exciting as this sounds, I do not want to go to class tomorrow.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. Also, I have learned that the rules that govern Community College parking differ from any other parking lot I have ever used. Rather than park in between the lines, it is common practice to park on the lines. All the time.

R: Rugged — Everyone thinks so.

A: Asinine — Self explanatory.

C: Cat Lady — Without cats.

H: Hater — If you read my blog, you would know.

E: Excellent — Always.

L: Low — To the ground.

Done. I know this was very meaningful and important for you, Reader, it was for me too.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. My internet < Garbage. Still.

Anyhow, there is this girl in one of my 200+ people lectures that asks questions every time my professor pauses to take a breath. It seems as though she has just a bottomless sack of stupid questions to whip out at any given moment. Today, I made the mistake of sitting in front of her. Here are my complaints:

-She breathes like a hairdryer. I could feel / hear her breath hit the back of my head. STRIKE ONE.

-As mentioned before, she is like the Santa Clause of obtuse questions, and it seems that every class period is Christmas. What is most frustrating, is that she relentlessly asks these types of questions multiple times EVERYDAY. STRIKE TWO.

-She laughs and talks to her self so loudly that I believe her only intent is to catch our professor’s attention. And if this were the case, JUST SIT IN THE FRONT ROW AND EXCHANGE NUMBERS WITH OUR PROFESSOR. THEN STOP COMING TO CLASS. STRIKE THREE.

Just to cut this short, because even though there is a zero-percent chance that she reads (or will ever read) my blog, I will just spare everyone from any further wrath…

Oh wait. There’s more. On a similar yet separate note, my internet is so slow, that I could likely walk a letter to your house faster than my internet could send an email– which is why I have not (and will not) proof-read this blog. IOWA.

I am just a bundle of roses today! I hope this does not too severely stain your imagine of me, Reader.

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. My last chance to drink illegally is tomorrow.

I like shiny things
Like glitter
And super-awesome rings.
I also like McDonald’s Sweet Tea,
Except it comes in a huge cup
And makes me have to go pee.
I like to wear lots of Camo,
Which is great in a forest,
And makes me look like a real Thug-f’sho.
I also like to knit at school,
But knitting is both time-consuming
And extremely uncool.
Writing poems isn’t really my forte
But I hope you accept it
Because it kind of rhymes, Mkay!

(Weak Poem, I know.)

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. I need to find an internship.

1. An iPhone Headset. I have lost / broken far too many of these to speak about.

2. 100 earring backs (If the entire point of screwback earrings is so that the backs don’t fall off, why have I lost / replaced at least a million?)

Okay, that is all.

Thanks, Reader!

Love,

Rachel

P.S. I don’t know anyone who is still enrolled in high school = I am getting old.

LOVE,

Rachel