“What?” I thought to myself while strolling through Fleet Farm. I leaned in closer to the television and listened, “Do you have ugly Bear Spots on your lawn? Cover them up with….”

“WHAT? Bear Spots on my lawn?? As in, bear footprints?” I thought. As I giggled to myself, I considered a massive bear stomping through my lawn in Suburbia, giggle giggle.

“Kyle!” I called, “You won’t believe what I just heard on television!”

“What did you hear,” Kyle asked in his usual unenthusiastic tone.

“Well! I just heard them say, ‘Do you have ugly Bear spots on your lawn?’– like Bears?! Is that actually a problem around here? People have bears walking around on their lawns!? Nuh uh!”

Silence.

“Are you serious?” Kyle asked, mildly amused. “Bear Spots? Really, Rachel?”

“…What? That’s what they said.”

“Bear? I think they meant BARE, as in B-A-R-E. Wow, Rachel.”

“…Oh…”

And then the Stupid Police came and arrested me.

The End.

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–Author’s Side Note:

Having visited Fleet Farm twice now, it is the Manliest Store on Earth. No competition. Assuming that majority of the countless Rachelleong.com readers have not yet visited Fleet Farm, it is like a hybrid of Home Depot, Gander Mountain (hunting superstore), and Dicks. They offer an array of Camo items, including, but not limited to, Camo Duck Tape, Camo boat seat covers, Camo lingerie and countless of other products intensely useful in Camo.

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LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. My nail broke today.