Dear Santa,

I know that Christmas is quite far away, but I’ve already figured out what I want this year. I wish that you could make my life more awkward than it already is. This could probably be accomplished by, oh, I don’t know, clustering my ex-boyfriends, my crushes, and Lance Bass into a small closet-sized room? I don’t know, just a suggestion.

Or you could also add in those girls my first ex-boyfriend cheated on me with into that already-awkward room; that might magnify the awkwardness– which is FANTASTIC. More awkwardness is EXACTLY what I really want and need. I feel like my life is really lacking in the Awkward-Situations Department: I just can’t have enough impossibly-awkward situations. It is just not possible.

Anyways Santa, I know it’s not Christmas yet, but I really hope that you get this and grant me some more awkward situations really soon.

THANKS SANTA! See you in December!

LOVE,

Rachel

P.S. If you find Freaking Prince Fabulous– tell him to stop being so dumb and find me already.